How can I convince my husband to seek professional counseling?

He is like jekyl and hyde with mood swings. he is very quiet, unless angered, and he trusts no one. I almost can't handle it anymore. He says there is nothing wrong with him and he does not need any damn pills to make it through life.

That's a difficult position to be in. I would suggest that instead of pointing out to him that "he" has a problem, suggest that there is a problem between you both, and that you think you should try marriage counseling. It's at those sessions that you will both open up and he'll see he has some issues, at least this way he doesn't feel so offended and you're by his side and you can learn to react to him in a way to help him change or realize his behavior before acting on it.

Good luck.

Leave A Reply (6 comments so far)


  1. Nicole C
    9 years ago

    really only he can do that and then there is divorce
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  2. chawki51
    9 years ago

    You should heed your intuition (which is telling you "get out") and get away from him. You can only help yourself, but my advice is to ask yourself Is this what I want? If it's not, then take steps to remove yourself from what can only be a situation that worsens. You'll spend you life thinking that your relationship is "good" as long as he's not angry, which is a very sad thing.
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  3. Tyrus
    9 years ago

    Sounds like you should try a short separation, that should bring him to realize that a problem exists within your relationship. Good Luck, and I hope all turns out well for you:)
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  4. MJ
    9 years ago

    That's a difficult position to be in. I would suggest that instead of pointing out to him that "he" has a problem, suggest that there is a problem between you both, and that you think you should try marriage counseling. It's at those sessions that you will both open up and he'll see he has some issues, at least this way he doesn't feel so offended and you're by his side and you can learn to react to him in a way to help him change or realize his behavior before acting on it.

    Good luck.
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  5. Diamond
    9 years ago

    You can't get out just like that, you been promise to stay together for better or for worse. You should think about his attitude before you got married. Now you are already part of his life, talk to him gently ask him what's the problem and why sometimes he can be jecyl or hyde.

    Some sources says he has bad attitude cos of his past and you should understand that, the only think that help you is having a good comunication, it will takes time but at lease you learn why he's like that and when you're learning then you have his key to his heart and once you got it… you will be happy like you never been happier before.
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    My self, i have a bad temper and attitude hubby, after years to learn n talk to him finally i got his key to his heart and now he's treating me so nice even though sometimes jekly and hyde still come but at lease i know how to handle it. Good luck.


  6. Fortunato
    9 years ago

    Thats a rough situation, Amy.

    Kids or no kids? If you have kids (more fragile) to protect emotionally, you'd have to move more quickly than if you (an adult) just have to look after yourself.

    The problem with therapy is that it won't help unless HE wants to do it. So you're pretty much left with (1) seeing what YOU can do to create an environment where he might want to be helped or at least YOU can cope with him, and (2) leaving him for at least a time.

    I can't tell based on what you said whether he just needs counseling (such as congitive behavior therapy, to change his reactions to his perceptions) or whether he has a more serious problem (such as Paranoid personality disorder — which the behavior does fit into).

    If it's the latter, things aren't so hot. Entrenched paranoia automatically defends against any sort of change to the person — everything he does and perceives is "right," while anyone who disagrees with him is now an enemy and can't be trusted.

    Was he on any meds before? Did they work? Or is he just set against meds in principle?

    Do you know of any past emotional trauma he's suffered that might have contributed to his outbursts and protectiveness?

    I would not "threaten" him with leaving, but you might have to state it to him as a consequence of his behavior because you don't know who he is anymore, you don't feel safe around him, and he is unwilling to trust you despite your being his wife. That's not much of a relationship to save; and he's not getting any better in the current situation.

    You would probably do best to see a counselor first for yourself, just to get things out of your system and to see if they have any coping mechanisms that could help you while you figure out what the next step is.

    Sorry you're going through this, and I hope a counselor with more of the "inside details" can give you some support and clarity.
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